Emotion

I shouldn't be writing tonight.... But, I am. I don't really even know where to begin and it's really really late so if this post is rather incoherent, I apologize now. This whole weight loss thing has really rocked my world. For lack of a better phrase. I feel like I'm living in someone else's body. Does that make sense?? Probably not. I've had people who have been through this tell me that's normal. That it takes the mind a lot longer to catch up, to adapt to the new and improved you. I can't imagine how people feel that lose weight quicker than I have or more for that matter, feel. It's just....... Something else. I suppose unless you've really lost a huge amount of weight it's not something you can really grasp. I feel.... All kinds of things. Happy, sad, excited, apprehensive, emotional, lost, confused, powerful, strong, small, big, it's just crazy.... Most of the time I feel nothing has changed. That it's all been a dream. Until I see myself in the mirror or in pictures to know ow much life HAS changed, I still feel the same. I still feel myself gravitating towards old sizes or styles of clothes (ones that hide everything. I can't tell you how many times in the last week even, that I have been in tears because I let myself get to the point that I did. That I let myself hate me as much as I did. I look at pictures of the girl I used to be and all I feel is sad. I know how that girl felt, every single day, but no one ever knew. I know how I feel now, knowing I allowed it to go on as long as I did. It's just sad. It's really really sad to be at a point in your life like I was. My life right now is the best it's ever been. Do you know how that feels? Do you know how it feels to BE the best person our ever been? To have all the things you ever wished you could have? To achieve all the goals you set for yourself? To have people tell you that you inspire them? To have people tell you that they save your transformation pics in their phone or print them off to look at for motivation? It's humbling. It's overwhelming. It's amazing. It's something I never thought would happen to me but it has. I just really feel like I have a purpose like God is using me in soooo many ways in soooo many people's lives and I can't tell you what that means to me. It means everything. Literally. This journey I've been on for the last almost 13 months has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. But I wouldn't change a single thing.
I am blessed beyond measure. I have been given a 2nd chance at life, to be the best that I can be. I am proud of how far I've come, how much I've accomplished so far and will in the future. But mostly, I am so very thankful that God has used me as an instrument in so many other people's lives.