Well, I am officially down 54lbs! That means I'm 10lbs less than I weighed before I got pregnant! If only my body still looked like I hadn't been pregnant. haha Oh well, I'm totally ok with it. If that's what has to be in order for me to have had my precious baby girl, I will gladly take it! I have exactly 10lbs left to lose before I meet goal #1. (besides my first goal of losing the baby weight)
Goal #1: Weigh less than I did on my wedding day almost 3 years ago. --- 10lbs to go!
Goal #2: Weigh less than a certain # I don't wish to disclose at this time! :) lol --- 20lbs to go!
Goal #3: Weigh less than my husband!!! lol! --- About 40lbs to go!! (depending on the day for him!)
I have a certain number in mind I'd ultimately like to get to, but I'm taking baby steps otherwise I'd never reach it! I figure if I set myself these short term goals it'll help me get to my long term ones! Keepin' my eye on the prize!! The prize is actually just getting to the point of FEELING better. Physically & emotionally about myself. I've already come a looonnnngggg way with that! Some days I struggle, but most days I'm happy with how far I've come! I just keep telling myself, some people gained way less weight than I did while pregnant, and STILL haven't lost it. I did it in about 5 weeks! To me that was the easy part, now it's been the hard part. The part that has stuck around for the last several years.
When Justin & I first got together, over 5 years ago, I weighed about 40lbs less than I do now. That is another reason why I say my 3rd goal is to weigh less than my husband. It also means that I'll be back to the weight I was when he first fell in love with me. :) He has loved me no matter what size I have been. He loved me in the beginning 40lbs less than now, he loved me at my biggest EVER not just with him, before I was pregnant even, 30lbs more than now, he loved me even when I was as big as a house while I was pregnant, also the most I've ever weighed, although that was obviously pregnancy related. He's just loved me. He's always told me and made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He's always NEVER been able to keep his hands off me, even when I felt completely disgusting. He's just always loved ME. It never, EVER mattered to him. He never told me I needed to lose weight, never even so much as HINTED at it. He's just always loved me. I realize that's how it should be, but soooo many times it's not that way for people. Having had kids or not, some people gain weight and never lose it and their spouses no longer find them attractive. That is so sad to me. I'm lucky that I've never had to experience that feeling. Ever. He's just always made me feel like he can't get enough of me, that he loves me no matter what. I love that and so many things about him. That's why I really want to do this. Not only for myself, but for him. Because he's never asked me to do it, because he's never made me feel less than perfect in his eyes, because I want to be the best ME I can be for myself and for him. It's the least I can do for him.
A lot of awful things have happened in the last several years, and I've let them become excuses for me to gain weight and also to not lose the weight. When my mother passed away, I had the most significant weight gain. I had gone to look at wedding dresses with her and 2 friends as well, in February of 2008. We were to be married in Oct of that year. She was very sick, had already been told there wasn't anything else they could do for her. I asked numerous times if we should move the wedding because I wanted more than anything for her to be there. She always told me no & smiled and said she would be there. I found my wedding dress that day and I'm so glad that she was there to share that experience with me. I'm so glad that she was there to see me in the dress that I had picked. She never got to see me in MY wedding dress, though. She passed away 1 month & 1 day after that day... Losing her was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. She was best friend. We talked numerous times a day and saw each other every single week and suddenly, she was gone... Food was definitely a comfort to me. It always has been since I was little, which is why I've always struggled with weight issues. This was definitely the time I found more comfort than ever in food. I realized it had obviously become a problem when I went in July to try on my wedding dress (having had to order it in the "right" size previously) and it didn't fit.... They had to let it out. I wanted to bawl. This should've been such an exciting day, to actually try on MY dress, the one I would wear on my wedding day, and yet all I wanted to do was cry. I wanted to cry because I gained weight, but more so, I wanted to cry because my mom wasn't there and wouldn't be there.....
Almost a year later, we had our first miscarriage. That was a huge blow. I couldn't believe it had happened to US. It was devastating to say the least. All I've ever wanted in my life was to be a mother, and I almost had the chance and it was taken from me. I just had to keep reminding myself that "everything happens for a reason" and at the time I couldn't figure it out, but later that same month, I found out we were all losing our jobs. I figured this must've been God's way of saying "see you CAN get pregnant, but now is not the time" (we had been trying for about 8 months). So then I lost my job, and even though I really didn't like that job, it was the only income we had coming in since Justin was going to school. So that was another stressor on top of everything else. So, I just continued to eat. My last day there was Dec. 4th 2009. In Feb. 2010 we found out we were expecting again!! But those dreams were soon crushed at the beginning of March when we found out we had another angel baby... I figured again God was saying it wasn't time because neither of us still had jobs and we were about to move back to Lyons and neither of us had jobs lined up there either. Still didn't make the loss any easier, though. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be able to STAY pregnant. If I was ever going to have my dream of being a mother, realized. That is depressing, let me tell you. To think something that would mean so much, may never happen. It was hard. Really, really hard, for both of us. Then we got moved, both got jobs and I decided it was the perfect time to also start losing weight. I was feeling a lot better about our situation because it had improved so much, I figured I could also start feeling better about myself too. I lost about 25lbs in about 2 months. Thennnnnn, we're pregnant again!!! Haha and this time our little miracle stuck and she is 8 weeks old already!! :)
A lot has happened in the last few years, that didn't make things easy. But you know what? LIFE isn't easy. I was/am tired of making excuses for it to be 'ok' to be overweight & miserable! So! Here we are again!! I'm excited to keep this going and get on to the better, thinner me!! I don't care so much about the number, I just want to feel better. I want to look better. I want to BE better. For myself & for my little family. Plus, if we're gonna be anywhere near the beach in the next year, I gotta get ready for that!! :)
Speaking of... update on the AD paperwork. It's been sent back to Justin's unit TWICE now because the guy that did it and had it sent off keeps screwing things up. The first time they had him going from reserve status to reserve, instead of reserve to AD. Really?? And they wonder why no one wants to stay in the reserves!! Even something as simple as Griffyn's name got put into their system as Justin M. Ummm really?? Just to give you an idea of the people we are dealing with here!! lol It also took them a year and a half to put it in the system that we were MARRIED! Unbelievable. He (and I) can't wait to get out of that unit! But anyway! He is back up there for drill again. He's making up the 2 days he missed in May and this is the drill they go to the rifle range so it's a longer one anyway. He left on Tues morning and he will be back Sunday evening sometime. He checked with the Admin section again before they left yesterday and they said it would be sent out again today. Sooooo as long as they FINALLY got it straight this time, it should be headed where it needs to and clear rather quickly. Let's hope! The MOS he wants to go into is hurting bad for people so we're hoping that means he'll get into a school quick and we'll be out of here in the next few months!! But we shall see! :)
I suppose that's really all there is to update on for now. Can't believe G is just a few days away from being 2 months old!!!! Time is sure flying by! :) She is smiling so much. I love it! :)
Love
