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*Big Sigh* All I want to do is cry. I have had an emotional week and I'm sure it's just due to wonderful Mother Nature (sorry if that's TMI, but I really don't care) but to put it frankly, it's sucked. This week has just been awful. It started last Monday when I went to the doc and found out that I can't run for 3 weeks. I literally cried in the doctors office. I felt like an idiot, but I felt like I couldn't control it and I HATE that feeling, when I can't control the tears. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a person who would be disappointed about NOT being able to run, let alone get emotional about it. I honestly just really like to do it, and it's easy for me and it's something that easily fits in my schedule. The last thing I want is an excuse of why I'm not achieving my goals. I know I've just got to figure out a different way to work out for these 3 weeks (at least) before I go back to the doc and hopefully get the "ok" to run again, but I can't get motivated to do it. All I've wanted to do is sit, cry and eat. EVERYTHING awful for me. Luckily I've refrained some, but I have to be honest when I say, not completely. I hate that. I'm mad at myself for getting back "there". For not having control. It's just been a really crappy week. I'm going to blame it on the hormones, and HOPE and pray that once this wonderful time is over, things will go back to normal, because this attitude and feeling has got.to.go. Needless to say, as of today's weigh in, I am up 3 lbs from where I was at my lowest. Boo. I hate that, but feel like I have to be honest about it. My journey is just like anyone else's, it's not always easy or fun. But, I will keep on keepin' on. I have 3.5 weeks to hopefully be at least close to my 100 lbs down. I'm becoming more and more ok with not being at exactly that by then. I know that I haven't always been as diligent as I should've been, and I also know that losing the 85+ lbs I'm down right now is still a lot to be proud of, and hopefully by that point I'll be down even more. But, if I'm not quite at 100, that also doesn't mean I failed, it also doesn't mean I can't and won't ever reach that point. I also realized (call it an excuse, whatever, I don't care) that May 17th was the day Griffyn was born. It was the day I automatically started to lose weight, but it definitely wasn't when I started WORKING to lose it. lol I have to admit, those first few pounds came off rather easy, with very little effort (well except the minor detail of labor and delivery) but I actually didn't start WORKING at getting the weight off for 6 weeks. So, while May 17th is my ultimate goal for what I want my 100 lbs to be gone by, I also know that if it doesn't happen by then, that's ok, too. I may still be in the process of convincing myself of this, lol but I'll get there. The last thing I want are excuses. It's no excuse that I have a bum ankle, and it's no excuse that I haven't been working out near as hard in the last week, those are just facts, facts that I have to deal with since I am now no closer to my goal.

Our life is just so up in the air right now, and that has me depressed as well. So many things could happen in the very near future and as much as we've been waiting for this and looking so forward to it, it's scary as hell, too. I know I said I was going to keep it to myself in my previous blog, but I feel like I just need to get it all out there now, all the different possibilities. Up until now, we were under the impression that Justin would go to MEPS on the 30th and do some physical tests, written tests, medical exams etc. and figure out his MOS. After that they would get everything else figured out "sometime". We weren't ever real clear on when that was going to happen. Our friend AJ, who is an Admin Chief on Active Duty, told us the other day that when Justin goes to MEPS, after he leaves there, he will be on active duty. He will sign his contract that day, and he will begin to get paid regularly (instead of once a month for drill) from the USMC. He also said that we will most likely get a duty station (where we will permanently move, at least for the next 3 years or so) within 15 DAYS of him going to MEPS. He said in other words, we could potentially be moving in the next few weeks. Ummm. Scary. He said of course it could end up being longer than that, but that we shouldn't expect to have to wait until he is done or almost done with his MOS school before we'd get a duty station, like we were previously under the understanding. So, granted, this may or may not be the case, but he is saying this from his knowledge and also the knowledge of his friend that is a recruiter, and the recruiter Justin has been working with, this is the first time he's done this process, so who knows. He may or may not know all the ins and outs. Obviously, this may not be the case, but it definitely wasn't on our radar at all, and now it is, just to be aware that it could happen that way. So, I'm not sure if we would move with him, if it does happen that way, because part of me thinks what's the point of moving across the country if he is just gonna go to MOS school right away and we'd be out there by ourselves. But, we may not have the option to stay here while he leaves. It just depends on if he would get BAH for us to be able to pay the bills here for us or not. So we'll just have to see about all that. But yeah, everything is just still so up in the air, and not knowing what's gonna happen or when for that matter is scary, and unsettling. Especially for me! lol Hopefully we will be able to tie up all those loose ends next Monday when he goes to KC. He has his meeting with the recruiting command CO tomorrow in Salina, but I don't think that's going to be anything life changing. I think he just has to be approved by him that he's a decent Marine and would be an asset to the AD side of things, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, sorry these last few posts haven't been very, "usual" for me. I hate that, I really do. I am sure hoping to be out of this funk very, very soon.
Love