Reflecting

The JFJ benefit was AWESOME! There was sooooooo much talent there and soooooooooo many people came out for it! It was really great to see so much support from the community for Jenny's family & friends. Jenny's husband, Brian, came up and talked to me both before I sang and after. We chatted for awhile about random things, but he also told me many, many times how much it meant to him personally that I sang for the event. How could I not of?? I told him I was more than happy to and I felt blessed to be able to and to have been asked! He's such a sweet guy and I couldn't help but give him a hug because my heart just literally hurts for him. I can not imagine the immense amount of pain he goes through every single day, as well as their 5 year old son. It's just so awful, so heartbreaking. No one should ever have to feel that way, go through those things. It was sweet but very sad to hear the family speak about Jenny. She just seems like she was a wonderful person, would've done anything for anybody. How could someone take her away from all of her family? Her friends? Her husband and her son??? It makes me sick. I hate that they have to deal with that now, they have to find a way to go on with their lives without her. It shouldn't be that way. It definitely puts life in perspective really quick. It makes you appreciate what you have, makes you realize tomorrow is not promised to anyone and you should tell the ones you love exactly how much they mean to you.
I thought a lot about Jenny, her family, and my life on the drive home. I thought about how precious life is, how you can't take a single thing for granted. How I need to work on being a better person. I need to live my life more for God than I have been. Anyone who really knows me, knows that my faith is a HUGE part of my life. No, you won't see me in church every Sunday (or at all the past several months since I had G) but having faith, believing in God, believing that He is in control of everything in my life, isn't measured by how often I attend church. Sure going to church is awesome (especially the one I am a member of!) and it does help you grow in your walk with God, but it doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. I want to be a better person, a better Christian. I want people to know that I believe in God, that I am thankful everyday for the relationship I have with him, without me having to tell them. I want people to know I'm a Christian without me having to tell them, I want them to be able to just tell. As I drove to Hutch today to sing, I prayed, like I do so often while I'm in the car. I prayed that I wouldn't forget the words, I prayed that I would do the best that I could do, I prayed that everything would run smoothly, I prayed that our message of hope would be clearly heard to everyone who was there, I prayed for peace, no just for myself but for others, and I prayed for justice. As I was walking up the lonnngggggg path to get to the stage to get ready to sing, I prayed again. I just needed to 'talk' to God. I needed to feel that he had my back, even though I know he always does. And I did, I felt it. I felt him give me strength to get through each song, I felt him cheering me on, I felt him just being there for me, like I needed so much for him to be. On the drive home, I thanked him. I thanked him for my gift, I thanked him for the opportunity to share it tonight, I thanked him for helping me remember the words ;) and I thanked him for giving me the life that I have. It's not perfect, but it's mine and I'm thankful. I realize more and more that I really need to work on being the person that he wants for me to be, the best that I can be.
I've noticed before, but I especially noticed tonight, how "happy" Christians are. Christians just know that God is in control. Whatever happens is what was supposed to happen. I stopped on KLove tonight (radio station) as I was flipping through stations, because a song that we sing in church often (that I LOVE) was on and I wanted to listen to it. Afterwards, the radio DJ was talking about how God doesn't waste your pain. Meaning, he doesn't put you through something, even if it seems like the most awful thing that could've happened, for no reason. We may not always see it right away, but there is always a reason for it. Anyone who knows me, knows that 2 of my all time favorite quotes are "Everything happens for a reason" and "God won't give you anything you can't handle." I really, truly believe this. As hard as something may be or seem at the time, there's always a reason. Always. Remember that. I have worked hard the last little while to present a more positive attitude, to try to find the good in things, situations, people. It's amazing to me how much of a difference it really does make on your life. When you focus on the positive instead of the negative, or what is going all wrong, it really is phenomenal how much of a difference it makes on your whole outlook on life. I am one of those people who needs to be encouraged. I need to know when I've done a good job. It feels good. I have made sure, even in the simplest situations, the past several months, to tell someone if they've done a good job. To go out of my way to be nice to people, even when they weren't very nice to begin with, or back. It doesn't matter. It makes me feel good to encourage someone else, to uplift them, to let them know they've done a good job, to let them know they are appreciated. It's still a work in progress, but it really does make you feel good, it makes LIFE feel so good, too. CHOOSING to be happy is one of the best things you can do in life. CHOOSING to look at the positive instead of the negative is something everyone should do. It sure would make the world a whole lot better place.
I've really, REALLY rambled tonight. If you're still reading, thank you and I'm sorry for jumping all over. I just typed as I thought, but didn't really think about making it make a whole lot of sense. Plus, my daughter was up every 2 hours on the hour last night, which is completely abnormal for her, and after a long & emotional day today, I'm exhausted, so bear with me.
I suppose I should head to bed. I'll leave you with my 3 things.
1. I'm thankful for the gift God gave me and being able to share it tonight, even if it could've been better. :P
2. I'm thankful for God always gently nudging me in the direction I need to be going and reminding me he's always here for me, whether I deserve it or not.
3. I'm thankful that I have such wonderful friends & family who support me in everything I do. Who encourage me to be the best person that I can be. <3
Love